


No Way Back

by xiujaemin



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-18 21:05:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10625124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiujaemin/pseuds/xiujaemin
Summary: If I wait for you… If I keep longing for you… Maybe you’ll look at me once more.





	

**Author's Note:**

> lj's new ToS sucks and now i have to move all my fics from lj to here so

  


_♫ ~ It’s because I miss you more today ~♪_

 

“Hey you idiot,” Baekhyun sniffed, tears welling up his eyes. He brushed them all away forcefully before they could even drop, because he knew that if they did, he wouldn’t stop crying once more. “I miss you. More than ever.”

But there was no answer on the other line. The phone beeped, as he pressed the button on his phone to end the call, signaling the end of the voice mail that he sent.

He still hasn’t answered. And he probably never will.

 

_♫ ~ Don’t worry too much, I’m just a little bit not over you~♪_

 

“Yah, Byun Baekhyun. By the time you get this, I’m probably dead. Well yeah, probably because I told them to give this to you after the operation,” Chanyeol chuckled, and Baekhyun bit his lip, struggling to keep his tears from falling. It’s been quite some time since he’s last heard that voice. He thought that a year after the incident would’ve helped him feel better, but hearing his voice again made the walls that he spent a year trying to build up around himself come crashing down in an instant. Even though had only been recorded in a cassette tape, it still made the feelings that he kept bottled up inside of him throughout the months of his best friend’s absence immediately spring up. “First of all, I just wanted to say that… No matter what happens… You’ll always be my best friend. Eggs and Bacon always go together, right?” Baekhyun could practically imagine Chanyeol grinning at this statement, recalling the fact that he had been called as ‘Bacon’ by their friends because of a foreign exchange student at their school that had mispronounced his name, while Chanyeol had been dubbed as ‘Eggs’ as a shortcut to his nickname ‘Eggyeol’, which was strung up from the observation that Chanyeol liked doing aegyo.

It suddenly turned quiet for a few seconds, and Baekhyun almost played the tape on fast forward to check if it was broken or anything, but Chanyeol’s voice spoke up from the speakers, preventing him from doing so. “Also… I know that you’re really sad because of the things that happened. You can cry, even though I wouldn’t be there anymore for you to lean on, and nobody would be there to make fun of your episodes of ugly sobbing, and nobody would even be there to argue with you when the right time to cry is, but… Please promise me that you’ll only cry once. Please make sure that after you cry that one time, you’ll never cry again. Because it hurts me too, knowing that my shoulder wouldn’t be wet from a certain someone’s crying; that I wouldn’t be able to make fun of your ridiculous way of crying.” Without a warning, a single teardrop fell from the outer corner of Baekhyun’s right eye. He cursed, blaming gravity for making his “body fluids pour out”, (if that even made sense) and hastily wiped at his tear-streaked cheek.

But he’s not really sure if he can fulfill his promise. This is Chanyeol, after all.

_♫ ~ If time passes a little, will I be able to see you once more? ~♪_

 

 

_**One hour ago…** _

 

“Baekhyun-ah, there’s a package for you. It’s over there,” Mrs. Byun pointed at the marble countertop of their kitchen as Baekhyun entered where a small brown box lied beside the cutting board, not looking up from the cabbage that she was washing at the sink. Baekhyun nodded, but hastily added an “okay”, followed by an awkward “thanks”, knowing that he’s mom wouldn’t notice his answer as she was busy with what she was doing.  
He went over to where the box was, stopping in front of it and looking at it curiously. Who could’ve sent it? Nobody he knew was fond of sending packages, anyway. Maybe the sender got the address wrong? He checked for a note or a mark on the box from the sender, but there were none. The sound in the kitchen was only the gush of the water flowing out of the faucet, making the atmosphere feel even more awkward to him. He only dropped by to get some things he forgot to take with him to the dorms, but he didn’t expect to find a package waiting for him here.

“You should just go take it with you wherever you want to open it,” His mother said, still not stopping to look at him, but she sounded thoughtful. “I think you’ll need to be alone for that.” Her voice sounded a few pitches off from her usual, her tone switching from her habitual cheerful tone into something more subdued.

“Why?” he couldn’t help but ask.

This time, she suddenly stopped what she was doing and twisted the faucet’s valve to turn it off and face him. She looked older from when Baekhyun remembered her, more lines adding onto the ones already on her face that came with aging. But instead of looking old, she just looked tired. Baekhyun fought the wrenching feeling in his stomach brought about by guilt. He hadn’t been home for a year, not even bothering to communicate with his parents because of his desire to isolate himself from everything and everyone just so he wouldn’t feel the pain anymore. “It’s from Chanyeol.” She sounded somber, just as she did when she broke the news of his grandfather’s death that cold winter day when he was just around twelve.

His eyes widened to the size of saucers, mouth opening in shock. Because how would a dead person even be able to send a package?

 

_♫ ~ If you meet someone good and become happy, will you forget me? ~♪_

 

“Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?” Chanyeol pressed his lips close to the recorder, hoping that his booming voice will sound better that way.

“Well duh, of course it is, the red light is blinking.” Baekhyun grumbled between his teeth as he nibbled on a piece of bread, splaying his legs across the leather sofa to rest.

Chanyeol, who was huddle don the floor below stood up abruptly, scattering the cassette tapes on his lap across the floor. “Yah, Byun Baekhyun! I told you not to eat that way; you’re getting crumbs all over the couch! Mom will scold me again once she sees that the sofa’s dirty!” he scolded the shorter boy, towering over Baekhyun and trying to pull the boy away from the sofa. Baekhyun huffed in annoyance.

Chanyeol’s mother had always wanted everything to be spotless. Of course, all mothers have always been tidy, and most definitely wanted their houses to be sparkling clean at all times. But she was neither a total germaphobe nor someone with OCD, so Baekhyun knew that a few crumbs of bread on the floor (and on Chanyeol) wouldn’t hurt.

Knowing Chanyeol ever since he can even remember anything, the guy’s mom probably scolded him that day when he jumped up and down wearing his shoes on their couch when he got back from school one day because Dara— a senior, and one of the popular girls in school—just happened to glance in his direction. Chanyeol had always liked her ever since they entered school (the university building was located near the high school building of their campus). And also because he knew Chanyeol too well and predicted as much as being preoccupied with a pesky giant following him throughout the day and pestering him nonstop to go and sweep the floor that he obliged without even being told to do so.

“What are you doing, anyway?” Baekhyun asked upon finishing his task in a flurry of dust and bread crumbs as he made his way to resume his position on the couch once more.

“Nothing important,” Chanyeol said, scooting over to sit at the ample space beside Baekhyun. “I just wanted to try this.” He gestured to the recorder in his hand, wiggling his eyebrows and smiling dopily.

“You do realize that no one listens to cassettes anymore, right?” Baekhyun smirked.

“Yeah, sort of… But… Isn’t this cool?” he grinned lopsidedly, making him look younger than his actual age. “Besides, isn’t it sort of… romantic?”

Baekhyun rolled over so that he was lying on his stomach. He propped himself up with his elbows and looked up at the taller guy. His childhood friend had always seemed dumb, but Chanyeol made sense in a way, making Baekhyun believe that the guy actually knew a lot more than what he’s letting on. He gave his friend a curious look as his lips quirked up before he could stop himself from smiling at the blissful look on Chanyeol’s face. “Who are you going to give the tapes to, anyway?” he asked in a slightly higher tone, the matter suddenly piquing his interest.

“I’ll tell you once I’m done with it, I promise.” Chanyeol grinned once more, and Baekhyun wished that the dumb giant beside him would just stop doing that because it keeps on making his heart flutter in a really weird way. But he shoved the thought away, back into the deepest parts of his brain so that he wouldn’t have to bother with it.

Because really, why would he even feel something like that for Park Chanyeol, the tall kid next door who he has known for almost all his life?

 

_♫ ~ I waited and waited for you and I cried a lot Because I know it won’t work even if we meet again ~♪_

 

He started to feel it when they were thirteen. It crept up on him like the way the vines in their backyard made its way to the trellis, inch by inch in every step along the way.

Chanyeol had been holding his hand, both of them laughing while they were running away from an angry ahjumma who was waving her broom at them. Chanyeol had thought of another dumb prank, suggesting that they ring the doorbell to some of the houses along the street they were passing by that Saturday afternoon and run away right at the moment when the door opens. It was stupid, Baekhyun knew that, but he just couldn’t say no to his best friend, especially when the latter looks at him like a wounded puppy with his big, round eyes.

“That,” Baekhyun bent down, hands clutching against his knee as he was gasping for breath. “was the most stupid thing I’ve ever done my whole life.”

Chanyeol grinned down at him, breathing heavily as he was still catching his breath. “But it was fun, wasn’t it?”

And Baekhyun had to agree.

 

_♫ ~ Because no matter how much I try, you won’t come ~♪_

 

When they turned fifteen and just started high school, it had dawned on him all of a sudden that he couldn’t help but get jealous whenever Chanyeol mentioned Dara’s name and gawking whenever she passes by. But he stayed quiet about it, even though he felt as if his heart was being torn to shreds whenever he talks about her with pure reverence. He wanted to tell Chanyeol everything, but he couldn’t. He was too much of a coward for that.  
As the years passed, he still hadn’t said a thing, thinking that there was always a next time for him to try once more. But he wished that he just did it then and there, because he never got to have a next time.

 

_♫ ~ So I wait for you ~♪_

 

It was leukemia, the doctor had said. He should've known, he should've been the first to find out. He should've already worried for Chanyeol when he saw the guy looking pale for the past few months. But he didn't. Because he was too busy avoiding his best friend and trying to suppress the the pent-up feelings deep inside of him. He hung out with a new circle of friends, avoiding Chanyeol as much as possible. But no matter what he did, he just couldn't forget that lovely giant that was his first love.

The treatments didn't work: Chanyeol's body had rejected all kinds of therapies they tried. The only option left was an operation. But it failed. Baekhyun only found out about it the day after Chanyeol died, with his best friend's mom sobbing into the phone as she told what the truth was. "He didn't want to tell you, he didn't want to see you hurting." She had said.

But nothing hurt Baekhyun more than the fact that his best friend had passed away and he didn't have any inkling about the news.

"Baekkie, I know we can't turn back time and change everything, but I just want you to know that I really regretted those times when we couldn't see each other anymore. I wish I had more time, more moments to share with you before I died but... fate wouldn't let me." Baekhyun clutched the cassette player tighter in his hands, tears threatening to fall once more. "But please, don't forget me. You could have new friends, meet new people, even have a new best friend. But please... Please don't forget me. That's all I'm asking for."

"Before this tape ends, I want to tell you something. Something that I should've told you a long time ago." Chanyeol's last words never left his mind even after the years that passed by after he had listened to the tape, regretting every moment in the past that he let the opportunities pass.

**_"I love you."_ **  



End file.
